Under One Roof
by Crystal Avatar
Summary: [Rated K for MILD LANG, LOW VIOL] Naruto, Sakura and Sasuke are all forced live with each for the next four weeks! A lot of really crazy things sure can happen in a month... especially if the three of them aren't allowed to seperate! RNR ME PLS!
1. Visions Of Victory

**_Under One Roof  
By: Crystal Avatar_**

**Chapter One – Visions of Victory**

Disclaimer: Naruto Universe belongs to Kishimoto Masahi.

A/N: This story has the sole purpose of allowing me to let my mind relax as I write my other story. Wow… writing sure is tough. Please RnR and tell me if I'm actually managing to go anywhere this purely spontaneous story of mine.

* * *

Our story begins with our three heroes having a life-changing conversation with their team's leader… 

"And that's why I'm going to have to ask the three of you to move in together," Kakashi announced light-heartedly, pointing upwards as he always did when he talked.

"That has to be THE stupidest thing I have ever heard," Sasuke muttered.

"Wait, so let me get this straight: in order for the three of us to become a stronger, closer team… in order for our teamwork to become better, you say we…" Her fellow ninja's shouting suddenly cut off Sakura.

"We have to live TOGETHER?" Naruto yelled, inadvertently causing a ringing in everyone's ears.

"… under one roof?" Sakura asked again, her voice dropped sadly.

"Yes! And if the three of you manage to survive for one whole month, you will all be recommended for promotion to Chuunin level!" Kakashi called out more passionately.

Suddenly the three ninja began having conversations with their inner selves.

* * *

"_As a Chuunin I will have more power… then I can kill that man_…" Sasuke grinned evilly to himself as his murderous intent showed in his eyes. 

In Sasuke's mind, the world was black and only two people stood, facing each other. The smaller one was himself and the taller, his older brother, Uchiha Itachi. His brother was saying the same words he had told him in his past.

_"If you want to defeat me, then hate me and survive in an unimaginable way…"_

_"Damn it, Itachi, be more specific! What the hell is that supposed to mean: survive in an unimaginable way? God, can you be anymore vague? I so want to kill you!"_

* * *

"_Live with Sasuke__and become a Chuunin? Oh my god!" _Sakura thought to herself, a large smile painting over her entire face. 

In Sakura's mind, there was the image of a quaint little kitchen in a cozy looking house. She stood in front of the oven, wearing an apron and some baking gloves, and pulled out a tray of freshly cooked cookies. She sniffed them and smiled.

"_Sasuke-kun! The cookies are ready!"_ She called to her lover as he arrived.

"_Wow, Sakura-chan! I've been dying for your cookies ever since I first saw you. You're so pretty and smart and funny and talented! I just hate the other girls! Yay! Yippee!"_ Sasuke replied, picking up the housewife-figure and spinning her around in their little kitchen.

"_Woof-woof!"_ A dog barked.

"_Aw, Naruto-chan wants some cookies too, does he?" _Sasuke patted the dog, whose face seemed to have more than just a coincidental resemblance to the real Naruto's face.

* * *

Naruto's mind was seeing different things from the other two as well. 

In his vision, he saw crowds of people glaring at him with huge, shiny eyes. Tears streamed down all of them as they cheered to their young hero standing on the stage.

"_Go, Naruto! Hokage! Hokage!"_ The crowd cheered.

"_How did you manage to become a Hokage at such a young age?"_ A female reporter with big, round glasses quizzed him in the middle of the large stage.

_"Well it all started when I became a Chuunin and-"_

"_Would you like some ramen?" _The reporter suddenly asked.

_"Wha- what the? RAMEN? Where did that question suddenly come from!"_

The reporter handed him a bowl and said, _"Here, eat up! Yummy, yummy Ramen!"_

Suddenly the entire crowd pulled out their own little bowls of Ramen. Men, women and children all pulled out bowls of ramen, seemingly out of thin air, and began raising them above their heads so that they could offer it to their master, Naruto.

The whole crowd cheered with the reporter, _"Yummy, yummy ramen! Yummy, yummy ramen! Yummy, yummy…"_

* * *

Back in the real world, however, Hatake Kakashi was still trying to figure how all three of his students had managed to begin drooling at the same time. It was all just so weird. 

Sasuke was drooling. Sakura was dribbling too.

Naruto, however, was practically drowning in saliva as he chanted, trapped I another world, "Yummy, yummy ramen! Yummy, yummy ramen!"

"_Wow… I guess they must like the idea?" _Kakashi pondered, "_Who would've thought, huh? What a strange group of kids these guys ca be sometimes…_"

He watched and waited for them to stop drooling and pay attention to what he had to say next. The next part was really important, you see.

* * *

Somewhere in Konoha two farmers were talking. 

"So, Bob, did you get a lot of milk out of 'em today?"

"Yeah, I sure did, Travis! Milked 'em real good!"

"That's good, Bob. Yep, the sun's coming down real quick! Better let the cows come home now!"

"Right on, Travis! Well, you don't be a stranger now, you hear? Yee-haw!"

* * *

"_Okay, I have a feeling if I don't say or do something real quick, these kids will never wake up," _Kakashi admitted to himself, his legs becoming tired from standing so long. 

"The three of you! Wake up now!"

* * *

_"You killed our family, brother! WHY!"_

Sasuke began running through his home as he had hundreds of times before. On the seventy-eight time he had done it in this vision, though, he saw something peculiar when he ran into the family kitchen. A small figure was hunched over their dining table with his back to him, eating something…

Suddenly he turned around. Sasuke couldn't believe what he was seeing.

_"Hey, Sasuke! I got craploads of ramen! Want some?"_

_"Naruto! I'll kill you too!"_

"_Sasuke? Why do you look so pissed? Oh-oh. I think I'll be leaving then,"_ Naruto whispered, getting up to leave the kitchen in Sasuke's vision. He ran through the imaginary door, Sasuke still chasing, and they both ended up in…

"_What the?"_ Sakura cried.

Naruto and Sasuke stopped to look at their new surroundings. Somehow they had both ended up in Sakura's vision, all prissy and flowery and such.

"_Impostor!"_ Sasuke cried, drawing a kunai from his pouch and shoulder charging at the boy in Sakura's arms, the Sasuke with a permanent smile seeming sewn onto his face.

"_No, Sasuke… I mean!"_ Sakura cried as her dream-Sasuke was taken from her.

"_WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?"_ Naruto yelled to everyone, his finger anxiously pointing at a dog that had the exact same face as he did.

"_Naruto… I…"_ Sakura tried to explain but Naruto wasn't finished.

_"That dog he… he's… HE'S EATING RAMEN! WHAT KIND OF IDIOT FEEDS A DOG PERFECTLY GOOD RAMEN!"_

"_What's going on here?"_ Sakura cried, as she watched Sasuke wrestling with the other Sasuke and Naruto trying to wrestle a bowl of ramen from Naruto-chan.

Suddenly the alarm on the oven went off and Sakura went to open it for the surprise of her life: Kakashi's head just poppedout. His face was red-hot and angry with heat, rage and impatience.

"Wake up! The three of you! RIGHT NOW!" 

"_Yes, sensei!" _The three of them replied together.

* * *

"Okay, before the three of you begin living with each other, I have to outline some rules." 

The three ninja listened eagerly, wiping their eyes awake. Naruto's belly growled.

"Rule number one: You remain together, in the same apartment, for one whole month. Every monday morning at about ten a.m., I will visit you at your apartment to see how you're all doing. That's four times we'll meet during your time together."

The ninja's nodded. One month should pass like a second, right?

"Rule number two: You must all sleep and wake up in the apartment every morning and night. You cannot fall asleep outside the apartment or you will be disqualified. Waking time is seven a.m. and sleeping time is eleven p.m."

Sounds simple enough, the ninjas agreed with hard, determined faces.

"Rule number three: There will be no, and I mean NONE WHATSOEVER, physical violence in this household. If the three of you have to settle anything, do it verbally. If I ever so much as see a scratch on any one of you or any damage to the apartment at all, I will fail all three of you and you can all become Chuunin the hard way!"

He stressed this rule very strictly with the tone of his voice. He was serious.

"Obviously, fighting amongst each other is a sign of a bad team," Kakashi reminded them with a waving finger.

The three ninja nodded without another word.

"Rule number four: Stick together, always at least within five yards of each other. Another sign of a good team is whether or not the three of you can stick together, no matter what kid of situation you are in. If one is separated, the entire team could be placed in danger if he or she is killed or captured," He said matter-of-factly.

"Isn't that a bit extreme, Kakashi-sensei?" Sakura asked innocently.

"NO! DO YOU WANT TO DIE SAKURA-CHAN!"

"Eep!" Sakura quickly shut-up.

"And finally," Kakashi continued, returnig to his old self, " Rule number five: If one of you take off or tamper with your collars before one month is over, you all fail the test."

" Collars?" Sasuke buzzed curiously.

Naruto nodded, equally confused, "What collars, Sensei?"

Kakashi pulled out some thin, chain necklaces with a small console attached to them like some sort of stylish pendant. They were perfectly disguised supercomputers.

"Yes, well if the three of you agree to take this special test, I will need to ask all of you to put on these special neck collars. It gathers all sorts of information about your bodies and reports it back to this thing here," Kakashi pointed to a small, folded laptop computer in his hand.

"Psst, Sasuke, where'd he get that laptop? I didn't see him holding one before."

"I don't know. Shut-up."

Kakashi kept going.

"I will keep track of all of you with this laptop computer. It tells me whether or not you are awake by detecting what kind of brain waves are coming from your skulls, that way I know whether or not you're breaking curfew. It also tells me the level of adrenaline in your blood, so I'll always know if one of you is getting angry enough to fight another team member. Lastly, while I can never know where the three of you are within the village at any given time, the collars come with a small-inbuilt generator. If one of you leaves the other two by more than five yards, that one person's collar will begin to shock the wearer until he returns to within the allowed distance. If the three of you leave each other more than five yards individually, you will all be electrocuted until you are reunited," Kakashi announced proudly and with happy eyes.

"_How can he be smiling so proudly as he says that?"_ Naruto wondered to himself.

"Anyways, if any one of you does not want to attempt this test, the other two will not be allowed to participate. The three of you have to go in together. If you all agree right now, I can give you the keys to your fully furnished apartment and you will all also receive small money allowances every week to pay for food and such." Kakashi finished.

The three ninja looked at each other.

Sasuke spoke first, "Let's…

Then Sakura, "…do…

Finally, Naruto, "…it!"

"Let's go, Team Naruto!" A random passerby said in the heat of the moment as he walked past the four ninja. His smile slowly faded when he realized that everyone was staring at him with the same stupid look on all their faces.

"Er, who are you?" Naruto asked him with narrowed eyes.

"I'm an extra!" And his smile returned, this time with two thumbs up! This guy sure was feeling irrationally exuberant today.

"Right," Naruto.

"Hmph," Sasuke said.

"Yes," Sakura added.

"Great! Let's get these collars on, Naruto, Sasuke, Sakura!"

And the four ninja and the extra walked to the next block to see their new home for the next month… then the extra was forcefully asked to leave.

* * *

Author: And there we go. While writing _Recognize My Existence,_ I'll probably also be working on this fic as a way of releasing stress and dealing with the trauma of flames and people I piss off (I'm not asking _anyone _to stop reviewing, I love feedback of all kinds, good or bad, and I'll try my best to improve from them). This is just a spontaneous story I came up with and depending on whether or not you guys like it, it may or may not continue. Cheers! 


	2. Sleeping Arrangements?

_Disclaimer: Naruto Universe belongs to Kishimoto Masahi._

_A/N: Okay, it's been a while for this update to come (apologizes!) so, let's have a refresher on the rules for Kakashi's game, shall we?_

_

* * *

_

_The Three Genin has been given special neckpieces to wear. This allows Kakashi to monitor their actions and health via a radio transmitter on his laptop._

_The Game:_ Naruto, Sakura and Sasuke must live together, in the same apartment for one (1) month! If they succeed, they receive recommendations for Chuunin promotion!

_The Rules: _There are FIVE R's! So listen up!

REMAIN together in the household for one month! Meetings every Monday!  
REST and sleep only at the apartment! Wake up at seven, sleep at eleven!  
RESTRAIN physical violence! No physical fighting of any kind!  
REGROUP if you become separated! Try to separate and you get shocked!  
REMOVAL of the neckpiece is not allowed before one month is up! Keep them on!

Good Luck!

* * *

Chapter Two – Sleeping Arrangements?

It was their first day living in the apartment together.

Naruto, Sakura and Sasuke felt a chill of anxiety wash over them, realizing that they were going to have to be living together, in this very place, for an entire month.

Worse still, the night was approaching, as it had taken some time for Kakashi to relax after delivering the rules to them. He seemed way too excited that day…

Kakashi had already briefed them on the rules and showed them around the apartment. Now they all stood together in the lounge room, their huge luggage bags dropped at their feet. It seemed as ordinary as apartments went: a kitchen, a dining room, a living room, a bathroom and a bedroom…

"ONE bathroom and ONE bedroom? HOW THE HELL am I supposed to exist here?"

Sakura obviously wasn't enjoying the 'settling in a new home' experience.

"She's right," Sasuke agreed. "We have to work out some sort of sleeping roster for our first night in our new apartment."

"That's easy, moron, we'll sleep on the dumb bed in the living room. Isn't it obvious?"

"Blockhead! There's only one bed!" Sasuke replied angrily.

"Idiot!" Sakura cried, bonking Naruto on the head with her travel handbag.

"Ow!" Naruto cried.

"Okay," Sasuke went on, "This is what we do. There are only two places we can sleep on in this apartment. There's the large bed in the bedroom and the couch in living room..."

"We can fit two people in the bedroom and one person in the living room," Naruto mused, reading his mind.

"I see…" Sakura pondered on it.

Naruto saw Sakura and himself sharing the bed, all smug and happy.

Sakura looked up and saw her hugging onto Sasuke in the bed at night.

Sasuke smiled when he saw himself enjoying the whole bed to himself.

Then all three looked at each other and realized what each had been thinking.

"This isn't going to work…" The three said at the same time.

Sasuke, Naruto and Sakura plunked themselves on to the couch at the same time. Deep in thought and wrestling with their new dilemma.

"Well, you know, I guess there is _one _thing we can do…" Naruto trailed off.

"What?" The other two asked.

"Well, there are extra sheets, so one of us can sleep on the floor in the bedroom. That way, everyone stays separated at night. Of course, we'll rotate though, so everyone gets a chance on the bed…" Naruto offered.

"Hmm… that actually sounds good coming out of a blockhead idiot like yourself." Sasuke responded.

"Then I guess it's settled!" Sakura sighed in relief.

"The problem is… how will we decide who sleeps on the bed first?" Sasuke muttered.

"I got it! There's only one way to settle this!" Naruto cried out positively.

The other two stared at Naruto with curious eyes.

* * *

"Okay, last one standing wins!" Naruto finished explaining the rules to his competition.

All three of the Genin were standing on top of the bed they were ready to fight for. Each had a pillow in his or her hand, ready to thwomp the head of the person next to them for the undisputed glory of resting on the bed on the first night.

"Kakashi said nothing physical right…?"

"Yeah, there's nothing wrong with this, Sakura, just relax!" Naruto replied.

"Humph, I'll definitely win this. This is so sad," Sasuke sniggered.

"That's right, you're playing on home ground, moron!" Naruto teased.

"Screw you, ass! I'ma stuff your mouth full of pillow in one second!" Sasuke returned.

"Okay, when I say go, start trying to knock your two opponents off the bed! Anyone that touches the carpet first loses! Last one standing!" Naruto cried out.

Sasuke and Sakura tensed.

"Ready… set… go!" Naruto cried out.

The three of the ninja kids began whacking each other in earnest. Feathers flew through the air and fluff sprang forth from only god knows where. The bed had become the place of a great battle where only the champion would taste the sweet, fluffy goodness of soft, warm, delicate slumber- like a fine wine that relaxed the nerves at such a time—

"Eat some of this, dumbass!" Sasuke yelled, swinging his pillow at the blonde head.

Sakura stood up and took the blow in her jaw, crying out in pain. She turned around.

"I'll get you, Naruto!" Sakura threatened, raising her pillow above her head.

"What? Sakura, what the heck's your problem?"

"It's your fault Sasuke-kun hit me! I'll get you for this, you little brat!"

"Crazy-ass bee--" Naruto cried as he ducked just underneath Sakura's fearsome axe swing.

Sakura immediately dived out of the way of Naruto's fearsome counterattack, knowing full well it would have knocked her clean off into a new level of oblivion.

Then, Sasuke sprung back into the heated battle with a fearsome, two-sided attack!

"Pillow no Jutsu: Double-sided Clap Attack!" Sasuke cried, holding a pillow in each hand and driving them together like crab claws of feathery death.

Naruto leapt up towards the ceiling using the awesome trampoline power of the mattress to propel him to the sky, dodging the lethal attack by mere inches.

"Take this, Sasuke!" As he aimed himself downwards, pillow first.

Sakura scampered to the further corner of the bed to avoid the splash damage from Naruto's incoming wooly onslaught.

"Pillow no Jutsu: Pillow Death Drop!" Naruto thundered, charging at this adversary from the heavens above.

FLUFF! The bed whined immensely!

The ripples sounded through mattress, sending miniature shockwaves to Sasuke, who fought to keep his footing, and Sakura, who nearly toppled clean off the side.

"Pillow no Jutsu: Pillow Chuck!" The young girl's voice cried.

"Pillow? Oh shit!" Naruto ducked immediately.

"Pillow chuck? What the hell does…?" Sasuke asked as a pillow flew into his nose, sending him reeling backwards on the edges of consciousness and hope.

"Sasuke! I'm so sorry, I didn't mean too!" Sakura cried out.

"Oh yeah?" Sasuke cried out in rage, "Forbidden Pillow no Jutsu: Super Deadly Rain of The Sheep of Vengeance!"

"Dude, what the f--" Naruto tried to say, as Sasuke suddenly leapt up towards the ceiling himself, and proceeded to rain down pillow after pillow and anything still alive on the bed. Naruto and Sakura barely survived Sasuke's vengeance.

"I can do cool too, damn it! Forbidden Pillow no Jutsu: Red Fluffy!"

Naruto turned around and farted. He immediately then used the pillows to fan the corrupted air towards the air of his enemies.

Sakura immediately brought her pillow to her nose to block the smell.

"Aww…" Sasuke whined, as the full strength of Naruto's power struck him.

'_What an awesome technique_!' He thought to himself.

'_Now I'll get you_!' Naruto cried within himself, summoning the resolve.

And he charged forward down the entire length of the bed, meeting Sasuke on the other end and picking him up at the midsection, as he stood dazed and shaken. He picked him up off his feet, using his full momentum, and leapt up with him.

Sakura saw the entire thing in slow motion.

"Neeeyyyoooo!" Sasuke screamed in terror.

"Hawww….hawww….hawww…." Naruto laughed triumphantly.

And the two boys fell to the floor in one crispy, flying motion, feeling the carpet hit them with a heart-sinking feeling of loss and shame.

They stood up and dropped their pillows.

"Tha- that was a fearsome move, Naruto…" Sasuke panted.

Naruto got up and rubbed his head. "I had to sacrifice myself to beat you… you're not too shabby at all, Sasuke…"

Both stared each other down with an intense gaze.

Sakura scratched her head and thought, '_another battle where all I did was stood back and watched while the boys did all the fighting. Why does this happen every episode?_'

"So, I guess Sakura takes the bed," Sasuke conceded.

"Yeah- now there's only a bed and a…" Naruto never finished.

"I bags the couch, Moron!" Sasuke cried out abruptly.

"You WHAT? You CAN'T DO THAT!"

"On the flo' 'coz you too slo', brother," Sasuke taunted him.

"You asshole! The couch was mine!"

"Too late, I bags it!"

"Why I ought to bags YOU!" Naruto cried, 'bagging' Sasuke with his pillow.

"What the? It's OVER, NARUTO, STOP IT!" Sasuke cried out in pain.

"Why don't you sleep with your _girlfriend _in this room on the floor, damn it! Give me the couch!" Naruto demanded of him.

"No way! I deserve the couch because I called first!" Sasuke remained firm.

Suddenly Sakura stepped in with one of those footrest pillows some beds have. You know, they're like longer and harder than ordinary pillows. They're real bitches to get hit by 'cause they hurt. _Hard._

Anyway, that's what she hit Naruto on the head with as she stepped off the mattress.

"Idiot, Naruto. Just give, Sasuke what he wants. We're all going to swap next night anyway, so just endure the floor for one night!" Sakura scolded.

"Aww…" Naruto moaned.

"Humph, so it's settled," Sasuke declared. "Then I'm going to get something out of the refrigerator… before I go to sleep _my _couch tonight…"

"Only for tonight…" Naruto muttered bitterly.

"Good idea, let's have a midnight snack and a drink to calm down," Sakura agreed.

So the three stepped out of the bedroom, beaten and exhausted from their awesome battle, and stepped into the kitchen, only to swing the freezer doors open to reveal…

"NOTHING? THERE'S NOTHING HERE?" Naruto cried out in a panic.

"Damn it, Kakashi didn't say he'd leave anything," Sakura added worriedly.

"Well, I guess it can't be helped. We'll all just have glasses of water then. But tomorrow morning, the most important thing we have to do is organize a food supply. Kakashi gave us some money so I suggest the next thing we have to do is go to the supermarket tomorrow. We'll need the essentials: milk, juice, breakfast cereal, some rice for the rice cooker…"

"Instant ramen packets!" Naruto cried.

"No! Idiot! We have a limited amount of money every week! We gotta be smart!" Sakura chided him.

"Good point," Sasuke admitted.

"Well then, I guess we'll all have to try and agree on a list before we leave tomorrow," Sakura pointed out.

Naruto remained silent, adopting his silent, listening gaze that made him look like some sort of cat or something.

"By the way," Sakura went on, "Does anyone here know how to cook?"

The two boys remained quiet.

"Okay then…" Sakura replied droopily.

"They're going to have to see our crap cooking skills…" Inner Sakura muttered sadly.

'_But I am the girl… they're going to expect me too… and Sasuke would expect me too…'_

"Okay! Let's get ready fo--"

When Sakura turned away from the empty refrigerator shelves to face the boys, they had already disappeared. Suddenly, she heard Sasuke's voice coming from the lounge.

"Sakura! Get to bed already! Naruto and I got too tired of listening to you! You're on the bed tonight and Naruto should already be asleep on the floor!" Sasuke yelled out.

'_How do those idiot boys fall asleep so fast?'_ Sakura asked herself angrily.

But soon she would realize she'd need all the rest she could get for tomorrow's new round of stress. And it had only been their first day together in the apartment…


End file.
